I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
