Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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