we're blogging at a bar
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Randomize