i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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