So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize