Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
