wakey wakey hands off snakey
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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