: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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