based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
