so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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