Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Never let your siblings swipe right.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
