Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
