you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
