So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
