I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
