she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
