apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
so much tequila, so little girl.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
