ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
