someone get that fucking seahorse.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize