I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
