Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
