i jhust puked up my retainher.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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