nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
