She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
