dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
