R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Randomize
