I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
