Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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