and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Randomize
