Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
