There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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