i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Randomize
