great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize