Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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