...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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