I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
