Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
