just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
