at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
