I want to have your abortion
I can text with my tongue
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
