You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
