You made me cry and you don't even care
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
