So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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