the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
