don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
