We named our party play list daddy issues
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Randomize
