Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
