Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
