I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
