he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
and she was petting her beer can
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
