I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
