Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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