Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Boobs speak an international language.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
