I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I didn't notice because vodka
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize
