theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Randomize
