Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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