Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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