omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize