woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
