I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
