That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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