His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
