Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
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