i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
