it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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