So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Someone signed my nipple.
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