I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
