I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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