It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
