I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize