gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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