I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
