you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
