Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
farters have to be the big spoon...
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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