she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
