Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
