it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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