just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
