theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Randomize
