I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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